silent love

so i've become sort of subconsciously obsessed with a frequent customer at the cafe.

she's one of our more active facebook friends, and because of this i know that she is a graduate of the moody bible institute. this discovery is actually whence my obsession arose. i get really excited when she comes in, even though we never say more to each other than my standard "hey, how's it going? what can i get for you today? do you need a code for the wifi? $1.93, please. thanks. enjoy." and her "hey, good. a decaf for here, please. hehe, yup."

she has huge sparkling blue eyes and is always smiling. she's a very big girl, probably about my age, and she has some really awesome detailed feathery-looking black and white tattoo on her forearm. she's some odd mixture of self-conscious and badass (minus the whole god-love part).

last night she was in my dream. (this is the part where i admit that i slept for upward of 15 hours yesterday: came home around 2, fell sleep around 3, woke at 10. went back to sleep around 1 am and woke today around 10) we had a talk in my dream about some film i had just watched (in dreamlife, not real life) about white supremacy and she started preaching against it. in my dream, my brain really wanted me to get her talking about god and spew some truth at her, but it never went there.

anyway, i can't really share my obsession with her with anyone else. there are few people that frequent the shop that either attend or have attended moody bible institute. they're all super nice and i just want to shake the crap out of them!!!

i'm reading the curious incident of the dog in the night-time. really great narrating voice (15-year-old autistic boy) and his arguments against god are awesome. i think i prefer them to christopher hitchens' high-falutin' diatribes (though i do admire that man). i share with you:

But when Mother died she didn't go to heaven because heaven doesn't exist.

Mrs. Peters's husband is a vicar called the Reverend Peters, and he comes to our school sometimes to talk to us, and I asked him where heaven was and he said, "It's not in our universe. It's another kind of place altogether."

...

I said that there wasn't anything outside the universe and there wasn't another kind of place altogether. Except that there might be if you through a black hole, but a black hole is what is called a singularity, which means it is impossible to find out what is on the other side because the gravity of a black hole is so big that even electromagnetic waves like light can't get out of it, and electromagnetic waves are how we get information about things which are far away. And if heaven was on the other side of a black hole, dead people would have to be fired into space on rockets to get there, and they aren't or people would notice.

...

The Reverend Peters said, "Well, when I say that heaven is outside the universe it's really just a manner of speaking. I suppose what it really means is that they are with God."

And I replied, "But where is God?"

And the Reverend Peters said that we should talk about this on another day when he had more time.