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Today I saw how I will eventually die.

I feel like I imagine a junkie would feel at the moment they realize that their fate has been determined and they find a peculiar peace and comfort with that knowledge.

(Don't cry for me. I will go with a smile on my pork-stuffed face.)

this stirred my emotions

enjoy.

for my tubbiest brother

so i finally brought jeff's birthday package to the post office today. the post office in my 'hood is like most post offices: long lines, grumbling customers, grumpy window clerks.

i recently downloaded tetris on my phone so waiting for anything does not bother me. i kind of like it.

i finally got to a window and the clerk asked me if i wanted to get 'delivery confirmation' and i said no. then she said 'it's only 60 cents' and i figured it'd be easier to just do it than keep saying no. they probably are encouraged to sell this feature, so i figured i'd help a sister out.

i giggled when she handed me my receipt because she had to fill out the name of the recipient: THUNDER THIGHS.

behold:

.

America's Shining Moment

No, not the inauguration... Getting excited about that went out of style as soon as Garth Brooks exited the stage on Sunday afternoon. (I mean, what in the next 4 years could possibly top his live cover of "Shout"?... Am I right?)

This is the shining moment I am referring to, a US citizen strutting her stuff in Japan.



Go right ahead. Be proud. We may not try those responsible for torture, but this is diplomacy I can believe in.

Here is a completely unstaged, candid shot of our heroine, out for a quiet meal with a friend absolutely unaware of any camera that may or may not be in the vicinity unbeknown to her.



[via MetaFilter]

Bored?

I am.

Here are 10 videos to help pass the time.


I can't wait to listen to this one.



A Mr. Show tribute band?



I trust this guy. Completely.



What a great idea...


Old people are stupid.


This is from a Christian sketch comedy show. Yes. Really.


When I say that I believe that children are our future, I am speaking specifically about these children.


This is just adorable.


This one is for you, Ally. You are welcome.


This man is my new hero.

And a bonus...


The snuggie has competition?!?!?!?!

I found a new favorite little corner of the internets today: Everything Is Terrible! That is where I found most of these beauties.

I Believe

Josh Hussein Brisbin

The Place Looks Nice

Movie Trailers - Movies Blog

A virtual view of the new Yankee Stadium.

And an actual photo tour of the clubhouse/locker room.

ghetto nicknames, family style

i learned about this from a blog written by a man i wish i knew.

chiggidy check it:



paul, i think i like yours best.

Keeping with the theme: Commercial Edition

O, dios mio!

Nice N' Toasty

Josh and Xannie introduced me to this. I am eternally grateful.

The author of one of my favorite books gave a play by play of the commercial here.

keeping with the theme, still

here's a good reason not to ski:

chairlift accident leaves dude dangling upside down, pantsless!

Keeping with the theme

"Craigslist Penis Photographer" featuring Bob Odenkirk - watch more funny videos

happy birthday jeff

we're proud you've made it all the way to 34.

(editor's note: i'm a dumb little sister and got the age wrong. but i'm leaving it as is to make jeff feel old.)

I am a child

via videosift.com

Grab Some Popcorn

I guess I am still filled to the brim with THE holiday SPIRIT.

I think that this link might be of interest to both of you.

Enjoy.

i can't make words about this

uhh ...



(via gay men's social crisis)

watch, man!

despite any legal wrangling, this film INSISTS on looking epic.

happy new year!

best site ever. that might be a stretch, but it's definitely up there.

what's everyone's resolutions? mine: not to suck.

i want to be more tolerant and less petty. i want to worry less about stupid crap that doesn't really matter. i also want to be independently wealthy. or dependently wealthy. i'm not gonna be too picky about the wealthy part of my resolution.

paul, your girlfriend txted me at midnight and referred to herself as my sister-in-law-to-be. get engaged already.