Cup O' Heaven

It has been well documented that I enjoy keeping tabs on innovative ideas and the great thinkers of our time, so it should come as no surprise that I was excited to find that after centuries of striving and continuous tinkering, mankind has at last achieved the pinnacle of cup technology.

Behold...



Yes, friends, that is a cup constructed of 100% bacon. Salad has never looked so good.

I am a sucker for bacon, new applications for bacon, and use cups on a fairly regular basis. It is as if this was created specifically for me. I'd like to take a moment here if I may, to speak directly to the inventor of this fine invention:

Dear Genius,

Thank you. I don't deserve this, and I acknowledge this openly, but for some reason you saw fit to present my feeble mind and feebler body with the knowledge that perfection can indeed exist in this world. For that I am most grateful.

Thank you for being so awesome.

Your humble servant (not literally though, I'm kind of busy)-
-Jeff

Off the top of my head, here are five uses for the bacon cup:

1) parfaits
2) a cup for David Cross. (Hi there, Mr. Cross. I'm a big fan, can't wait to see what you and Mr. Odenkirk put together this time. My sister happens to be single, by the way.)
c) athletic supporter or "cup" as it is known in most circles.
4) bacon ice cream cones (Think before you judge... maple walnut ice cream in a bacon cone? That actually sounds good to me. I may need an intervention.)
last) a bacon cup filled with bacon, of course.

I'd welcome any other suggestions, so let's hear 'em.

Nexus of Sweetness and Wonderment

also, this just in:
David Cross wants nothing to do with you. So there.

Back to you, Chip!

david's crossing

last night, matt and i began an underground cult. i forget what we're going to be called, but we're going to decorate masquerade masks and wear them around the mean streets of 'toga at night. and then we're going to get drunk whilst bemasked.

we tried it out last night, in a fashion. matt brought a cat masquerade mask out and we took turns wearing it while dressed nicely and sipping champagne (me) cognac (biggy iggy).

i'm a real catch. i bet david cross would join the club. IF WE LET HIM.

david cross

i told jeff that i may or may not post about david cross tonight.

it may or may not show up on david cross's google alert he has for his name (david cross).

this may or may not be really creepy to him if he (david cross) sees it.

anyway, enough of that. i can get a boyfriend without blogging his name all the time, trying to get him to notice me via google alerts and google blogging platforms. i just don't want one.

I CAN'T BE TIED DOWN.

the biggest loser weigh-in is the apex of my tuesday

i went to spa city comics the other day for the first time in a few months

why does it always smell bad? why did they have to move to a closet, more or less, with no air circulation? why did i have to feel like i was intruding on the most important pre-tournament magic the gathering scrimmage when all i wanted to do was find something totally awesome to read?


my tastes have matured since paulie poops and i used to go to the broadway location (was it always in the downstreet market or was it somewhere else before that?) on fridays.

back then i was a big fan of this:

... much to paul's chagrin.

anyway.

i don't know why i had to walk in on a stereotype.

the owner dude (or maybe he's just the manager. the owner used to look different, but these types have been known to possess shapeshifting prowess) took a phone call and said to whomever summoned him: " well, just to let you know, tomorrow is Presidents Day, so I might not open until 11. maybe not even until noon. " the other demon responded. " yeah, i'll be open at least from noon til five. "

what is it about Presidents Day that would cause him to open later than normal? kids don't have school. office workers don't have work. people will be MORE likely to have time to waste in your stinky comic closet!

anyway, i walked out empty-handed. there were neat-looking books there, a few things that i had been hoping to stumble across. but the stench was unbearable, as was the debate over which attack to use in the game.

but i can tell you this: the freak that didn't open until noon on monday is no longer undefeated at magic the gathering!

The Machine is Us

Another lazy post.

Russian Scientists Close In On Time Travel

Those brilliant commie bastards...

I Hate it When This Happens

Who hasn't been there before? Am I right, people?

like a kiss on the cheek from jesus

here i am, blogging at the gym like i'm some kinda dweeb


anyway, tonight i had an epiphany. one of those humbling moments when i realize that i'm just as lame and everyone around me.




pulling into the gym, i was grateful at the myriad open parking spots.

'ha! fat idiots finally gave up on their new year's resolutions!' i thought. 'suckers.'



then it dawned on me.

i just resumed my new year's resolution (writing every day) yesterday, after a 3 week (give or take a few days) hiatus.


who's the fat idiot now, ally? huh?

wiiiiiiiiii

watching jake and emma forbid nathaniel from playing the game we rented from the movie store reminds me of watching jeff and paul play knock out.



this was also cute:
(editor's note: i had this wrong. it has been changed to reflect the notes i took as it went down in my crossword book)

jake (way too urgently for the situation ... they're play wii carnival games): emma, swing!!

emma: jake, i just painted my nails!

(nathaniel wasn't allowed to sub in until after i turned the t.v. off and gave the rascals a good talkin' to. "we'll all get in the car and return the game tonight if you keep it up," is a verbatim quote. i'm good, right? and i'm not even really a mom! just imagine the possibilities ...)

don't get used to it ...

i'm here, i'm queer, and you're loving every minute of it.

not for long, though.

it's nearly 10:30 a.m. on a Saturday and i've already been on the clock for 5 hours.

i'm playing mommy all weekend. the gang and i have big plans, and we've already done SO MUCH:

- played a rousing game (i won) of 'zooreka' (a cranium version of Settlers of Catan)
- played some dumb barbie fashion designer computer game (emma gave me little control, hence the 'dumb')
- jake read a captivating passage from a Captain Underpants novel for the little one and i
- watched two episodes of spongebob squarepants
- closed my eyes for like 10 minutes
- watched lots of wii tennis. records were broken, folks.

currently: dancing to 'high school musical' and playing with play-doh

what's in store? children's museum, library, maybe some chowda-fest, probably pizza and a movie and another bout of dancing to zach ephron's sultry voice

he's cute, i'm not ashamed.

anyway ...

yeah, i'm alive. fret not.