stop that rocking

If Stu Screws Up

2012-01-30T12:51:00.002-05:00

ridin' dirty

2011-12-31T14:32:00.000-05:00

A Feel Good Friday Clip

2011-12-16T14:19:00.001-05:00

Herman Cain Sings!

2011-12-01T16:59:00.001-05:00

The man's got some pipes. If this was his platform, I might consider voting for him.

Herman Cain Singing 'Imagine' to Pizza - watch more funny videos

it's different for girls

2011-11-22T16:29:00.003-05:00

guys, i'm in a joe jackson phase, i don't ever want to get out of it! i bought his first album for a buck a few weeks ago, and it has me freakin' out! also, squeeze! holy crap! i never knew they were the ones making all those great songs!

enjoy:

Nickleback Fights ...Back

2011-11-22T14:48:00.001-05:00

Nickelback responds to NFL Petition from Nickelback

My Flavor of the Month

2011-10-06T16:33:00.003-04:00

My current favorite thing on the interwebs is this photostream from a haunted house up in Canadia.

Gold. Pure gold.

I can't figure out how to post most of the photos themselves, so HERE are a FEW of my FAVORITE shots in the WHOLE darned WORLD.

For now.

But seriously, SOME of these are GREAT.

American Juggalo

2011-09-28T12:39:00.003-04:00

Here's a documentary about our beloved gaggle of clown disciples.

American Juggalo from Sean Dunne on Vimeo.

Letters to Joshua

2011-09-19T23:38:00.001-04:00

I often find myself wondering what Josh would think of our shared adoration of his doodles. How would he feel if he knew how studied they've become. Revered. His scratches, almost ALL in ink, that we all yearn to soak in. To press to skin, a tattoo stencil, to hold onto. Would he laugh? Be embarrassed? Think we were nuts? The answer is probably somewhere in between.

His notebooks are suddenly so much more valuable than they ever might have been in his eyes... And I guess there's meaning in that somewhere. We're not crazy enough to presume to find an "answer". But we fan through the empty pages at the back, hoping to see something we'd missed the first two times we combed through it. We peer closer to the page to see the ornate detail in the shell of Sir Turtle, the arch of an eyebrow on the visage of Julio Jorge Rico Suavez. He never appreciated his art. Relegating it almost exclusively to the sidebars of the Vietnam conflict. Crammed in the corner of a page detailing the nature of self-esteem. To read his words - HIS words - brings a sting and a weight. A guilt you can't pin down.

I recently "took" an empty notebook from his room at Dads. Graph paper. Never written in. Five Star brand. There were two of these there, on the floor by his dresser, ignored in a corner... but I left one there. Whether someone else might want it, or maybe for me to come back to and "claim" later.

It's strange. You walk out of that room feeling half grave-robber, half brother ("A little half brother comedy..." ha. That was a good joke of ours.) If you're not leaving with a Josh-scented shirt slung over your shoulder or an obscure, hodge podged Lego figure in your jeans pocket, you're still leaving his space with more knowledge of his world than he maybe would have ever wanted anyone to have. Part of me feels guilty every time. Every time. The rest of me doesn't know what else to do.

So, fuck it. I've got shirts, damn it.

And I have this notebook. Black cover. Untouched. Maybe never opened. But it was his. In his hands. Once. Maybe twice, at least.

I'll be writing letters to Joshua inside. Filling it with doodles. I envision, and hope, to fill every available shred of bare graph paper. With doodles, with words. Dreams. Memories.

In the back of the book, I've started recording one liners and specific memories he and I have shared. Sometimes boiled down to a few words. Others a paragraph. I don't ever want to forget a thing. Whenever I recall a moment I'd somehow forgotten, I hate myself for not respecting it enough to forget it to begin with.

I'll be writing my letters to Joshua. In HIS notebook. And I will send him your love.

Love you guys.

Favorite GIF (Updated)

2011-09-15T06:45:00.003-04:00

favorite gif ;)

2011-09-13T17:48:00.002-04:00

favorite gif

2011-09-12T10:47:00.001-04:00

tfwt

2011-09-01T01:56:00.000-04:00

he reminds me of wilford brimley. right?

ICP meets Mozart

2011-08-31T12:45:00.000-04:00

Seriously.

(And yeah, I totally did the face paint to the left myself. Woop woop!)

Wow.

2011-08-25T16:11:00.002-04:00

This starts off bad. Then after a minute and a half it gets worse.

about the ghost blogger

2011-08-10T20:02:00.004-04:00

one night i was feeling lonely, feeling bored, feeling uninspired. despite all that, i was also feeling silly. free.

i pulled out my ouija board.

adam, no longer my friend but once someone i'd called a 'best' friend, had given this official board to me years ago. you might remember tales of my homemade pizza box ouija board from when i lived in saratoga. or you might not, it doesn't really matter.

i store the ouija board under a teeny table that holds all sorts of silly ephemera. rocks and seashells and coins and tarot cards and dream books and discounted used CDs. the board rests on the floor.

so, on this silly, lonely, bored, uninspired night, i decided to toss aside my skepticism. decided to attempt a reunion with my former, more spiritual self. decided to try to talk to joshua james brisbin.

i reached for the box. it didn't want to move. i yanked. paper from the box stuck to the hardwood floor and i heard it separate from the cardboard. i yanked some more, kind of gently but also kind of violently, cringing. i imagined myself goo-goneing it in a few years when i move out of this place. i freed that damn box from its cave.

i took a step with it over to my bed and sat down. placed the box in front of me on the white comforter.

a deep inhale. a deep exhale. a quick check over my shoulder to ensure the door was shut. if the door is shut, the door is locked. that's how i do. no privacy or utter privacy. i'm extreme.

i took the board and planchette from the box and cast the case aside. my heart raced and i felt nervous and excited and even sillier than when the idea struck me.

i took a few more deep breaths. tried to push doubt from my mind. also tried to push away any impending tears. and then i pushed some more doubt away.

i know it's a toy. i know that if you use it alone, any movement is the result of blood moving through your fingertip veins and your subconscious trying to please you. i know that as an atheist i shouldn't pay credence to the notion of ghosts or spirits or what-have-you. i also knew that if there was a chance i could talk to josh one last time (or for the first time in a new way), i wanted that.

i sat there with my fingertips lightly placed on the centered planchette for what felt like days but was probably about two minutes. if it scooted slightly, i released any pressure from my hands. i whispered a few times, as is customary, "is anyone here?" i felt scared and foolish and morbid and silly. i felt a bit embarrassed, though no one knew what i was doing.

a week (two and a half minutes) passed and it seemed to start moving for real, slowly and deliberately. i freaked out and said aloud, through throat tears, "good-bye," and moved the planchette (as is also customary) over the words "GOOD BYE" at the bottom of the board. i even did the silly 'erasing' motion of wiping the planchette across each side of the board, a move i picked up during myriad 6th grade seances. i put it all away. board and planchette into the box. box into the cave.

then i sat on my bed and cried.

looking back on it, it's a little funny to me. i've thought a lot recently how death of a loved one can change survivors' perspectives. in the days of group mourning, i couldn't jump on board when people spoke about josh being there with us, about josh watching and listening to us. i understood it's a way to cope, a way to slowly distance oneself and say good-bye. but i also understood that he was gone, that he wanted to be gone, and that that was that.

still, i cling to the hope that maybe on another night i'll being feeling lonely and bored and uninspired and silly and brave. i cling to the hope that i'll feel even more open and spiritual and that i will open some line of communication with my little brother.

and i'll finally get to know him. like i had been looking forward to doing for the past few years. no lie, i think that in the last year or so i trolled his facebook page more than anyone else's. i saw that he was blossoming. i wanted to know more but i didn't want to bug him. i wanted to observe. most visits to his page showed me nothing new, no new posts, no new status updates. but i always got excited when i saw that he did post something. there were signs of maturity and it blew my mind.

i was excited to get to hang out with him at future returns home, infrequent as they'd be. excited to play around with him and you two and laugh at his jokes and pick on dad with him.

well, that's not going to happen now, is it? and i try hard not to beat upon myself for not including him on emails i've sent to you guys and dad with writings and songs i've done. i had considered including him each time, but we weren't close and i didn't want to bug him. i guess now i wish i had bugged him. but i didn't. hell, that night with the ouija board i think i was a little worried that he would answer and that i would have been bugging him. who knows.

maybe at christmas i can show off my (ever-cute) ouija skills and we can attempt to bug him as a group. just an idea.

i love you guys like crazy.

The Last 9 Minutes are My Favorite

2011-07-31T07:23:00.002-04:00

Inspiration for TR2?

Rainbow Sponge!!!!1!!1!

2011-07-19T16:10:00.001-04:00

cat doodle

2011-06-23T20:05:00.004-04:00

some words to the man who was only ever part of this blog in spirit, though we all wanted more:

this is a different kind of depression. it's new. i'm not angry and i'm not scared. of course, i ache and i cry. but i'm not hiding; i'm seeking out reasons to smile.

now strangers are beautiful and pure, not threats. every moment has a different weight, like gravity itself has changed.

a handful of breaths knocked us all over, piled high. we're scrambling to pull ourselves and each other to steady, sure feet.

as jeff said, now we all shoulder a bit of your pain. and gladly. hang on tight.

I want to adopt them.

2011-06-08T11:18:00.001-04:00

I guess I'll just be posting YouTube clips.

Woop Woop!

2011-06-06T10:38:00.000-04:00

MMFCL, y'all!

This is Painful

2011-06-02T13:39:00.000-04:00

I Now Believe in God

2011-04-30T22:30:00.001-04:00

The bridge/breakdown will change your life.

What Did I Just Watch?

2011-04-15T09:41:00.001-04:00

Whatever it is, it was awesome.

willful ignorance

2011-03-14T01:41:00.002-04:00

i was looking through my documents and came across this little vignette/memory i wrote a month or so ago. the reason i'm posting comes at the end. i'm sorry it's such a cliffhanger.

strolling through the grocery store to kill time and find an eight-dollar bottle of wine, and i remember the time i flung dirt in the babysitter daughter’s eyes. we were digging by a tree with plastic spoons. i was eight years old. the babysitter had teeny skinny legs and a big pregnant-looking belly. she was short, had a perm and a pig nose, and wore lots of blue eye shadow. her daughter’s name was brandi and we were friends at school. i flung dirt at brandi because jj picinich had just flung dirt at me. brandi’s mom saw me, though. i was so ashamed and i didn’t even speak up. i didn’t say that i did it in retaliation. and then that bitch told my mom about it. really? that was my worst offense all summer and she couldn’t let it slide?

brandi’s dad worked at montgomery ward in a failing mall. we went there at least once a week and brandi’s mom put things on layaway. my mom began to lose her taste for brandi’s mom. i’m not sure what happened. brandi had a lazy eye and shiny black hair. i think there was a younger sibling. we used to eat fudgesicles from the schawnn’s man. sometimes root beer popsicles. we would play restaurant and make menus full of frozen treats.

sometimes brandi’s older cousin would come over. she went to an r. kelly concert and she said he dropped his pants and his boxers said “horny” in lights. did we know what “horny” means, she asked? yeah. of course we did.

i had no fucking idea. i didn’t want to know because i knew it was a bad thing.

Radiohead Fan Confessional

2011-03-13T01:14:00.002-05:00

Charlie and Muammar

2011-03-03T16:57:00.001-05:00

Charlie Sheen Interviews Muammar Gaddafi from Muammar Gaddafi

artistic hurdles

2011-03-02T22:50:00.002-05:00

i'm feeling bloggy tonight.

behold, my latest favorite youtube video:

i don't know about you guys, but i can TOTALLY relate to her frustrations and the symptoms thereof. however, i'd never let that shit leak onto the internets. i would delete the video. that said, i'm glad it did get posted. i wanna hug her so hard.

Charlie or Warrior?

2011-02-28T19:05:00.002-05:00

who said it? was it:

Charlie Sheen OR the Ultimate Warrior?

Texting with Jen

2011-02-17T13:51:00.000-05:00

(For the record, I don't believe it.)

This Kid is Kind of Awesome

2011-02-07T13:15:00.000-05:00

Just doing his own thing. He found what he loves and he's going all out.

I just wonder how long he can go without huffing one of those things.

This Sounds Like a Warning

2011-02-03T14:17:00.000-05:00

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

keepin' it SJR in this be-otch

2011-01-23T08:51:00.001-05:00

i got new glasses.

y'all heard it here first.

We (Humanity) Have Officially Given The #*@& Up

2011-01-19T19:46:00.002-05:00

Hey, Everybody!! A Mr. Show Reunion is on the Horizon!!

2011-01-07T06:38:00.002-05:00

Well, close enough for me, anyway.

Mr. Odenkirk will be directing Mr. Cross in the upcoming film titled Annie Jenkins: A Not Very Romantic Comedy, which will also feature Rainn Wilson, who is a very funny man, himself.

Experts estimate that this movie could make as much as $24 at the box office.

Get excited, people.

Please Tell Me That One of You Put Her Up to This Latest Ridiculousness

2011-01-02T09:18:00.001-05:00

Really?!? Frank?!? This has to be something that one of you fed to her, right? To try to get a reaction out of me? Because no good (from her perspective) can come of divulging this, if it is at all true.

A Fork in the Road?

2010-12-31T17:47:00.001-05:00

(Note: I am not her Secret Santa.)

down with the clown til she dead in the ground

2010-12-29T07:59:00.005-05:00

man kills wife during sex-gun play

the article links to dude's facebook page. guess what? HE A DOWN-ASS JUGGALO.

which is interesting, since at the show eric and i went to, one of the opening acts sang a song about his "freaky chick" (this is after suggesting the audience show him "some titties") and the song was essentially a narrative account of sex at gunpoint.

i'm not saying the song killed the woman or even put it into the guy's mind. indeed, the author of the blog post i linked to suggests maybe the "sex game" defense is just a cover-up. although, i can imagine someone being stupid and short-sighted enough to not unload a gun before literally f*cking with it. especially if he's mid-sugar high from pounding a few 24-oz bottles of faygo.

maybe what's most disturbing about the story is that this 23-year-old man's wife was 50 years old.

Should I... "Fork It Over"? (I'm not going to.)

2010-12-27T19:58:00.000-05:00

Xmas Memories: 2010

2010-12-27T11:58:00.000-05:00

I'm hungry just looking at this.

Xannie ruined this otherwise perfect photo. She didn't smile. Thanks, Xannie. You ruined Xmas.

Jen, shortly before her life would be changed forever.

What's up, player?

In Russia, women are like buses.

Me, Dad and his little bird friend.

Stars. Film Icons. Talent personified.

Technical difficulties. So frustrated.

Both Kara and I were wearing our streaks.

The last time they will ever be together.

Ever.

How I Spent My Monday Night

2010-12-20T22:05:00.002-05:00

awesome stuff.
0

yes. the "Band on the Run radio" channel on SiriusXM has overtaken me.

scrotum fire!

2010-12-19T19:22:00.000-05:00

No Need to Thank Me: Dancing

2010-12-14T20:39:00.002-05:00

Hi, and welcome to another installment of the indispenible "No Need to Thank Me," a column in which I share priceless words of wisdom, inspiring nuggets of truth and helpful hints to help you have a happier, simpler and all-around better life.

Dear STR,

I'm a 16 year old guy. The girl I like asked me to the school dance, which is AWESOME!!! One problem. I don't know how to dance. I need to learn fast, because it's a New Year's dance. Any suggestions?

-Tim
Topeka, KS

Hey, Tim.

Congrats on the date. I can imagine that you're pretty stressed. Have no fear! We'll get you on track.

A lot of people would tell you to learn two dances: a slow dance and a faster dance. Those people are fools. You only need to know one dance, if it is the right one. Luckily for you we here at STR can direct you to the master.

Here's what you do:

Put on your best Lycra-based outfit
Watch the following video
Practice until you have it down

It's that simple, Tim. You're welcome, but really, there's no need to thank me.

Are you in need of some sage advice? Don't hesitate to leave a question in our comments section. You just might find it to be the subject of a future NNTTM column! Wouldn't that make your day? Dare to dream, friends.

A Legendary Proposal

2010-12-13T23:07:00.001-05:00

This msg was in Alicia's Facebook inbox.

How great?

This was Celebration Worthy.

2010-12-13T17:35:00.001-05:00

For me.

it runs over an hour and a half... and is pretty entertaining theatre.

worth at LEAST skimming through for the presence of George Takei as guest announcer alone.

No Need to Thank Me: Holiday Styling

2010-12-05T12:32:00.012-05:00

Hi, and welcome to my newest venture here at STR: "No Need to Thank Me," a column in which I share words of wisdom, nuggets of truth and helpful hints to help you have a happier, simpler and all-around better life. First up? Holiday styling.

Listen, I know that finding just the right look for big events such as a holiday get-together can be stressful. You want-- no-- you NEED to look your best.

You're a trendsetter. Someone people look to as something of a fashion icon, if you will. There's no half way when it comes to your look, so you simply cannot settle for less than the best.

But here's the thing: The current economic climate doesn't lend itself to extravagant fees for styling services, even for something as important as, let's say your hairstyle. Even considering that your hair is like nature's hat for your face. It's integral to tying together your whole image. I mean, it would be great if you could find just the right style for around 30 bucks, right? Obviously. But that is a silly pipe dream. There's no way that you could find a deal like that with a hairstylist that you could trust.

...Or COULD you?!?

Yeah. You could. Only there's one catch: It won't cost you $30.

There's always a catch, right?

Luckily for you, it will only run you $27.50.

I know! Back up the truck! "Did I just read that properly, or have I had a few too many sips of ye olde egg nog?!?" No. That is what I typed.

Perfect style, done by a consummate professional all for the low price of $27.50.

You're welcome, but really, no need to thank me.

Are you in need of some sage advice? Don't hesitate to leave a question in our comments section. You just might find it to be the subject of a future NNTTM column! Wouldn't that make your day? Dare to dream, friends.

oh brother, where art thou?

2010-12-04T00:07:00.003-05:00

josh ... are you there?

(Sorry. I couldn't resist a perfect procrastination task. -j)

QB eats a german suplex.

2010-12-03T18:37:00.002-05:00

Don't Ask.

2010-12-03T18:01:00.002-05:00

classic reverse double racism displayed through the magic of pro wrestling.

silent love

2010-12-02T16:12:00.004-05:00

so i've become sort of subconsciously obsessed with a frequent customer at the cafe.

she's one of our more active facebook friends, and because of this i know that she is a graduate of the moody bible institute. this discovery is actually whence my obsession arose. i get really excited when she comes in, even though we never say more to each other than my standard "hey, how's it going? what can i get for you today? do you need a code for the wifi? $1.93, please. thanks. enjoy." and her "hey, good. a decaf for here, please. hehe, yup."

she has huge sparkling blue eyes and is always smiling. she's a very big girl, probably about my age, and she has some really awesome detailed feathery-looking black and white tattoo on her forearm. she's some odd mixture of self-conscious and badass (minus the whole god-love part).

last night she was in my dream. (this is the part where i admit that i slept for upward of 15 hours yesterday: came home around 2, fell sleep around 3, woke at 10. went back to sleep around 1 am and woke today around 10) we had a talk in my dream about some film i had just watched (in dreamlife, not real life) about white supremacy and she started preaching against it. in my dream, my brain really wanted me to get her talking about god and spew some truth at her, but it never went there.

anyway, i can't really share my obsession with her with anyone else. there are few people that frequent the shop that either attend or have attended moody bible institute. they're all super nice and i just want to shake the crap out of them!!!

i'm reading the curious incident of the dog in the night-time. really great narrating voice (15-year-old autistic boy) and his arguments against god are awesome. i think i prefer them to christopher hitchens' high-falutin' diatribes (though i do admire that man). i share with you:

But when Mother died she didn't go to heaven because heaven doesn't exist.

Mrs. Peters's husband is a vicar called the Reverend Peters, and he comes to our school sometimes to talk to us, and I asked him where heaven was and he said, "It's not in our universe. It's another kind of place altogether."

...

I said that there wasn't anything outside the universe and there wasn't another kind of place altogether. Except that there might be if you through a black hole, but a black hole is what is called a singularity, which means it is impossible to find out what is on the other side because the gravity of a black hole is so big that even electromagnetic waves like light can't get out of it, and electromagnetic waves are how we get information about things which are far away. And if heaven was on the other side of a black hole, dead people would have to be fired into space on rockets to get there, and they aren't or people would notice.

...

The Reverend Peters said, "Well, when I say that heaven is outside the universe it's really just a manner of speaking. I suppose what it really means is that they are with God."

And I replied, "But where is God?"

And the Reverend Peters said that we should talk about this on another day when he had more time.

My Date with Condoleezza Rice

2010-12-02T08:51:00.000-05:00

Eat your heart out, Jack Donaghy.

I won a free ticket through work. Figured that I could at least see what she has to say. She's a bright lady, even if I do disagree with many of her stances on practically everything. Who knows, she could surprise me.

Juggalos Care

2010-12-01T06:18:00.001-05:00

Help a ninja out. MMFCL, y'all.

best dialogue ever.

2010-11-28T19:09:00.000-05:00

God Bless America

2010-11-26T11:05:00.003-05:00

oh, brothers!

2010-11-24T16:06:00.004-05:00

paul wants me to write more. i started a new blog but decided it'd be cooler if could we all get better at using this as a mode of communication. i'm going to add josh to the authors list as well. figure out what's going on in that punk's mind.

that said, here's the post i just deleted from the new blog i will probably delete:

the other night i had a totally pathetic scene-from-a-movie moment. drunk on half a bottle of wine, home alone, cute dude that was supposed to come over had rainchecked our plans, i went into the bathroom. i cranked some sleater-kinney. i chopped the shit out of my hair.

i laughed maniacally and shook my head all over the place and thought “i was supposed to have therapy today and i didn’t. you happy now, maureen?”

this time was different than times past because i implemented a new device for keeping the floor clearer than usual of clippings. i took an old plastic shopping bag, split it, and wore it like a shawl. i smiled at my brilliance as it slipped around and, more than twice, spilled my hair ends onto the floor. i just kept chopping away. it felt good. a purge. a change.

when all was said and done, i stared in the mirror. i knew what nathan would say. he would say i looked like i belonged in twin peaks. it was true. from head to toe, it was true. even inside my brain!!!

screw your silence.

2010-11-06T21:32:00.000-04:00

AND your insolence!

hide your kids, hide your wife.

2010-09-13T18:07:00.002-04:00

okay. by now... anyone with an internet connection has seen this:

and it's very likely that if you've seen that, you've seen this:

but have you seen this?

josh likes dido

2010-06-06T00:44:00.001-04:00

paul, i think you're best equipped to tell us if this is a joke or not.

This is Why People Hate the USA

2010-02-09T16:35:00.002-05:00

Legendary Thoughts

2010-02-06T18:25:00.000-05:00

The Dutch Mini Daddy

2010-01-24T16:58:00.001-05:00

I present:

BOB!

awwww, yeah. the earring makes it.

My Kind of Town

2010-01-23T11:03:00.013-05:00

The missus and I flew to Chicago for a weekend. We had an incredible time. We got to see the hippest new coffee shop in the city and can tell everyone we know that we were going there since it opened. We're old school. The coffee was great. The service? Well... the one owner there, the broad? She's kind of a pain.

Ally has a great apartment. Huge, even. (By Boston standards, anyway.)

[Pictured below: Nothing special. Just Ally in her kitchen (by the sink, coincidentally). She's not being sassy, she's just being Ally. Don't hate.]

We caught the main stage show at Second City (not pictured) and sat front row center. The show was absolutely hilarious. Far better than anything SNL has done lately.

Jenna and I had some authentic deep dish pizza (also, regrettably not pictured). Good lord, I could eat that every day.

We were treated to a history lesson, delving into the true origins of our great nation. Did you know that Ben Franklin was into space docking? According to Professor Drew, he was a total freak. If you'd like to learn more about the Boston Tea Party, please watch the following clip.

Fascinating.

All of Ally's friends were very nice. The ones we were able to meet, anyway.

We went to the bar across the street from Ally's cafe. (I really wish that I had taken a few photos of this place. It had a great atmosphere. I miss Miss Ollie.) We had a blast. They were blaring R. Kelly and other musical geniuseseseses. The owner quickly whisked Ally and her guests to a reserved table and brought over a complimentary bottle of champagne. VIPs, y'all! I think there was an older gentleman who was trying to steal Jenna away from me while I was in the restroom. Can't blame him. The man has taste. Respect the game.

We covered a lot of ground, explored a handful of neighborhoods. Chicago has a laid back feel to it. The streets are wide, so you don't feel claustrophobic, it is clean, the people are friendly... It just felt like a good spot.

Personally, I really wanted to go to Wrigley Field. They didn't have any games scheduled during our January weekend (they must have been on the road or something), but I got to chill with a couple of legends (no, not Jenna and Ally).

We even saw some wildlife.

A great trip. We will definitely return, whether Chicago likes it or not.

Mini Daddy

2010-01-23T10:24:00.002-05:00

If the dancers were women instead of children, this would have been perfect.

Oh, and if the song was any good.

Then? As good as it could possibly get.

kids are growing up

2009-12-28T23:34:00.002-05:00

peep this facebook interaction with a certain "forgotten" niece. is she jen's daughter, or what?

Xmas '09: A Photo Retrospective

2009-12-28T13:09:00.011-05:00

A Holiday Classic

2009-12-17T15:16:00.002-05:00

A Holiday Tune (Featuring David Cross!)

2009-12-13T11:04:00.001-05:00

Happy Holidays

2009-12-06T11:12:00.005-05:00

Best Xmas decoration ever. Supposedly the police asked the guy who hung this dummy to take it down.

Brilliant.

If you are looking to get into the holiday spirit, I highly recommend SketchySantas.com.

One classic shot after another.

Merry Holidays to all.

Order Has Been Restored

2009-11-07T09:09:00.003-05:00

Empire State Of Mind
by KMFIS

The other night one of my professors mentioned the Yankees' World Series win and my natural reaction was to break into applause.

I was met with boos and hisses.

Hisses.

You'd have thought that I had just left a bound damsel on train tracks with a big coal powered locomotive barreling towards her.

It was great.

Mr. Show-Biz

2009-10-02T11:12:00.004-04:00

Yes. The people in charge of R. Kelly's career thought it was a good idea to book an opening act whose name would serve as a reminder of their performer's alleged crime.

I suppose the act named Urine Shower was already booked.

And yes, the show will be taking place at the Wang Theatre when it bumps and grinds its way into Boston.

There is no way that this could possibly be unintentional. None.

The man is some kind of a perverted mastermind. He makes Rick James look like Mr. Rogers.

Step One

2009-09-29T13:36:00.002-04:00

Check.

Damon Weaver is Kind of a Big Deal

2009-08-14T16:15:00.003-04:00

You may remember him from his mid-campaign interview of Joe Biden.

Well, 11 year old Damon Weaver was invited to the White House to interview our (foreign-born?) President, Barack (Hussein!) Obama.

Ladies and gentlemen, you have seen the future of broadcasting, and it is Damon Weaver.

Louie

2009-07-27T18:58:00.002-04:00

This man is a fixture here in town. He is well known all over, from one end of the city to the other.

The film reminds me of Ally's work.

Enjoy.

Louie from Brian Moore on Vimeo.

Happy Birthday, Ally!

2009-07-02T05:36:00.004-04:00

[via]

And this time, these fireworks really are for you:

Hey, Paul

2009-06-17T13:26:00.000-04:00

My Unsolicited TV Recommendation

2009-06-15T08:38:00.003-04:00

Watch AMC's Breaking Bad.

It's a solid little show they've got running over there. The dad from Malcom in the Middle is believable as a chemistry teacher who's down on his luck. As most solid, character-driven dramas go, it really picks up steam in the second season, after the groundwork has been laid.

Also, the second season features the emergence of a new character that I hope is a mainstay as the series continues:

Yeah. That's right.

Bob Odenkirk as sleazy attorney Saul Goodman.

He is every bit as wonderful as you're imagining.

You can get season 1 through Netflix, if you use that fantastic service. Maybe you don't. Season 2 has yet to be released on DVD.

Take A Photo Field Trip! (With Me! To A Baseball Game!)

2009-06-10T09:45:00.023-04:00

I journeyed a journey to Fenway Park, home of the Boston Red Sox, yesterday with a few of my pals. We had a great time. I enjoyed it so much that I thought I'd share my experiences with you, the reader, using the technological format I like to call the Infomatic 2000. (You likely refer to it as being "a computer," but I'm pretty confident that my term will catch on. It is italicized, after all.)

Max and I got to the neighborhood a little early and walked around a bit. We found a new bar the Sox have built into the ballpark accessible from the street. The main feature is an open air view of the field. You are sitting at field level in the outfield, with only a metal grate between you and the warning track. It was a great find.

As we were walking in, Mariano Rivera jogged by. I almost had an accident. I wasn't prepared to be 10 feet away from the greatest relief pitcher in the history of the sport. I thought I was just going to get a burger and a beer. So I didn't get a picture of the guy. Sorry.

I promise that the photo portion of the field trip will begin shortly. If you click any of the images, a full-sized version will pop up.

I saw Joba Chamberlain tossing a ball over in right field. I had time to grab the camera.

Over in the opposite corner of the outfield, Andy Pettitte was doing some sprinting alongside the Green Monster.

It was a rainy afternoon, so there wasn't much action to see aside from that.

After meeting up with our friend Sean, we had a couple of beers and made our way to our seats. We had a nice view from the centerfield bleachers.

Mr. Rivera returned to the field to toss a few more. This time I had it together and managed to get one unblurred image of the man.

They removed the tarp from the field and the game got underway. It would end up being the second worst butchering in the area recently. (Second only to this. Wow.)

I took the following picture for Paul and Alicia. (You are welcome.)
This was for Jen.

When a game goes south, you need to find other ways of entertaining yourself. Against my better judgment, I ingested some ballpark pizza, which I believe to consist of cardboard, glue and rat feces. The security guard is giving me the stink eye. He knew what team I was rooting for.

Unless you've been to Fenway, you may not be aware that the crowd has taken to ~~destroying~~ singing the Neil Diamond song "Sweet Caroline" at every game for no apparent reason. And, as if they were determined to make it more annoying than it was, they decided to sing/shout "So Good! So Good! So Good!" in unison, repeatedly, even though it isn't in the song. If Neil Diamond wanted that in there, you can rest assured that Mr. Diamond would have put it there. He's Neil Diamond. Don't mess with his stuff, people.

In an effort to strike a blow against this awful practice, I took it upon myself to sing along with every song that came over the public address system. Loudly. And I was sure to scream "So Good! So Good! So Good!" randomly while doing so. Every time.

As the following picture shows, absolutely everyone around me enjoyed it thoroughly.

Boston has a reputation for being a moderately racist city. There is a history of less-than-ideal relations here. I noticed one remaining incidence of segregation. (See the following photo.)

Yes. I was bored. It was a one-sided game.

There was a guy (there's always one at every game, no matter where it is being played) who kept telling the crowd to start a wave. I kept shouting back that he didn't need to tell me how to enjoy a ballgame. This was the one time that the crowd seemed to be on my side. His efforts never bore fruit.

At one point, I was cursing Jose Veras. It happens. Pretty much every time he takes the mound. As Nick Green came up to bat, I had a bad feeling. I took a photo of Veras' stats on the scoreboard. Note the pitch count and ERA.

He made another pitch and I recorded the results.

It was one of those nights for the Yankees. Oh well.

We'll get 'em next time.

whip it good (nsfw)

2009-05-26T12:08:00.004-04:00

well, no one has posted here in a while, and i figured this would be a good time to link to my pal wally's recent posts from this weekend's IML (international mister leather) weekend in chi-town.

a preview:

a real, true mangina.

click here and here for more photos and explanations. wally is the man.

Mmmm... Swine Flu...

2009-04-29T09:40:00.001-04:00

ATTN: Ally

2009-04-22T14:14:00.003-04:00

Click here to learn how to communicate with dead folks.

Have fun with that.

You've Got Dirt In My Android!

2009-04-22T08:14:00.003-04:00

Hey, Your android is in my dirt!

Jaydiohead.

I've had one of the tracks for years, but I am eagerly waiting for the chance to listen to these.

Enjoy.

Scientists: Sisters Make People Happy

2009-04-16T08:21:00.003-04:00

This is why science gets a bad reputation.

Supposedly, sisters make families happier, while brothers have the opposite effect.

Paul, did those refried beans make you happier? I know that as I was beaten with a teddy bear rocking chair when I was 3 years old I was smiling from ear to ear. I was ecstatic when my tiny, 5 year old hand was slammed in a door so hard that all of my fingernails fell off.

Maybe they were right after all...

I Am Speechless

2009-04-08T05:49:00.001-04:00

[via Everything is Terrible]

Blagojevich in Saratoga Springs

2009-04-03T09:08:00.003-04:00

Well... Disney's take on Saratoga, anyway.

Close enough for me.

I love the guy. He's the R. Kelly of politics. He doesn't possess anything resembling a conscience and he is never at a loss for a fantastically absurd quote.

Is it possible to run for President from behind bars?

What a waste it would be to have this guy locked up away from a camera and microphone.

I Love It When This Happens

2009-04-01T09:28:00.003-04:00

This instance of unintentional humor and unfortunate ad juxtaposition was spotted in Boston's subway station. Ahhh, downtown crossing.

Sham-Whoa...

2009-03-28T10:59:00.004-04:00

This just in, Ally's hero Vince Offer (pictured at right), who was thrust into the collective conscious of these United States via his ubiquitous Sham-Wow commercials, has been arrested.

Of all the things to be arrested for, Vince was pummeling a prostitute in a Miami hotel.

Classy.

Check out the mug shots. Wow indeed.

If we can't trust the people who yell at us on TV until we buy their crap, who can we trust?

Good News, Ally

2009-03-26T14:23:00.002-04:00

It looks like your "volunteer work" can continue.

Congratulations.

how did i not know about this?!!???

2009-03-18T22:45:00.002-04:00

i remember the extensive collection of cards, but i never knew about the movie!!

via this guy

as older brothers and huge influences on who i am and what i like today, y'all have failed me. REPENT!!

Strange Parallel

2009-03-17T08:15:00.002-04:00

To make up for the previous post:

[EDIT: The original embedded video was removed from the source, but this is the same film, but at a lesser sound and visual quality.]

Your Weekend Soundtrack

2009-03-14T14:28:00.000-04:00

Enjoy.

I Have A New Hero

2009-03-11T08:19:00.006-04:00

Like all true heroes, this man showed up just when a people needed him most: in the midst of chaos.

With economic fears steadily climbing daily, a neighboring country apparently on the brink of a collapse, and two monsters that refuse to die re-emerging we needed someone to look up to and believe in.

He doesn't need a cape, he has his Coors Light sweatshirt. And like all heroes, he has principles that separate him from everyone else. In fact, this separation is exactly what has gained him his new hero status.

You see, he claims that he cannot be charged with driving while intoxicated because he is a "sovereign man." He "lives within [him]self" and not Pennsylvania. The rules and laws therefore do not apply to him.

Brilliant.

Meet Scott A. Witmer.

[Unfortunately, there was no mugshot available, but I did a google search for "my hero" and the picture above is essentially what I would imagine him to look like, if he were a horse.]

my review of zak snyder's 'watchmen'

2009-03-09T02:45:00.003-04:00

i hadta take that photo with my foot!

i'm way too tired to tell you everything that was wrong with it.

here's what was right: the comedian.

drive-by posting

2009-03-06T17:50:00.002-05:00

Required Saturday Morning Viewing! Coming Soon!

also, this just in ... Radiohead continues to kick ass, THIS time at the expense of Mily Cyrus *AND* her busted teeth.

This Just In

2009-03-05T08:35:00.003-05:00

A couple of devotees were just handed a book deal simply for inventing an artery clogging recipe.

Hmph.

Returning the F(l)avor

2009-03-03T13:59:00.004-05:00

Ally, your post about the demise of bacon was almost as cute as it was completely and totally premature.

I have company in thinking so.

Top that.

stealin' some thunder (thighs)

2009-03-01T21:56:00.002-05:00

your post was really cute, jeff.

but this dude lives in my hood.

who's bad now?!

help!

2009-03-01T13:09:00.002-05:00

can anyone explain to me why the word "caterwauling" is sometimes on repeat in my head? furthermore, can you explain why i think of paul mccartney during these confusing times?

sorry jeff

2009-02-27T13:36:00.001-05:00

your passion is passe

My Neighborhood

2009-02-27T09:37:00.004-05:00

Dorchester has a reputation for being a rough neighborhood. Personally, aside from a few blocks, I feel that it is a safe place; full of character and characters. Sometimes you need to blame the "victim" and not the criminal.

Here is an actual headline:

"Victim says 10-year-old with a knife robbed him"

Seriously? You can't stop a ten year old punk from robbing you? Take the knife. Push the li'l punk to the ground.

Nope.

The guy was completely helpless.

How could he possibly overpower the intimidating and threatening fourth or fifth grader?

Scary, right?

Future Governor of Alaska

2009-02-24T09:42:00.001-05:00

UPDATE: If this is the best the government can do to share the wealth, this kid has nothing to worry about.